The bads about not being a Catholic

Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong


Recently, a weird phenomenon happens to a couple of my girlfriends. They suddenly converted to Catholicism with no early signs of being religious. They apparently did the you-know-what forbidden but enjoyable deed long ago. And within six months of their conversion, coincidentally, they end up exchanging vows with their fiancé before a big wooden cross hanging in a glass-laden high-ceiling greenhouse called church. The wedding scene is so sacred and beautiful that I always remember to shed some tears.

Admittedly, part of the tears are shed for the fact that I’m not going to get wed in a church, not like what the princesses did in fairy tales or what Dustin Hoffman tried to interrupt in The Graduate.

My jealousy is doubled by the fact that my newly Catholic girlfriends are married to sons from well-to-do Catholic families, one of them a doctor, the other a lawyer, then an heir to a family business. No matter how education and feminism tell us women to be independent and have it all, the talent of equating forever love with financial security (reads riches for high maintenance women) is still deeply rooted in our genes.


That enlightens me to think why Catholicism and Christianity can flourish like mad, in a manner that Buddhism, which doesn’t condemn non-believers to hell, or Taoism, which in its ancient classics promotes sex as a key to balance of life, can’t compete. One of the truths is simply this: Christianity lures people, including well-informed adults, to succumb to its system with self-interest as bait.

Sure, the Church teaches people to love their non-genetic brothers and sisters, which nurtures humans’ nature of wanting to do good, at the same time, the brothers and sisters provide free labour and valuable connections, not to mention a powerful support group that keeps you from evil temptations, such as a potential mistress or sex with no strings. It points you direct to goodness and love, without the need of free thinking from your side, saving you the effort of going astray and doubting yourself.

That’s why Catholics become such a privileged group where members can mutually benefit each other. They are much more united than pan-democrats and much more capable of absorbing new members.

You may wonder, why then, didn’t I join the league of Donald Tsang to become a devout Catholic? The answer is just that I can’t fuck without a condom (and blame the pill for giving me low libido). I was told by a Catholic that they can use all kinds of contraception except the barrier method. It is deemed artificial, while fucking when not ovulating or withdrawal in time sound more “natural”, or in their terms, to the will of God.

If all Catholics strictly comply with the pre-marital sex ban, have sex only with their legitimate spouse and never remarry , I suppose STDs would not be a concern and any barriers can therefore be out of the picture. Sadly, in reality, the case doesn’t apply to mortals like me. In fact, the idea itself scares me to hell already.