The Pressure to Tie the Knot

Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong

Kung Hey Fat Choi! May our readers be as wild and catty as the Tiger in the new year.

There’s no time my company is more “westernized” than the Chinese New Year. Most of my married managers pretend they were gweilos and gweipos in this 15-day festive break, “unaware” of the Chinese tradition of delivering red packets to their single slaves colleagues, when they are as face-loving as the local officials in the rest of the year. A slight hint or suggestion of that (for example, a trying-too-hard passionate new year blessing) would mean you’re a corrupt, uncivilized and anachronistic creature in the inhuman globalised business word.

In private scenarios, the guilt or shame of receiving red packets from your married acquaintances began to kick in, especially when you’re hitting the reproductive deadline “right” age to get married. When I was a child, the Chinese New Year was the Event of the Year, because red packets are my only source of freely disposable income. However, when I grew up and became a member of taxpayers breadwinners, the idea of receiving de facto subsidy from my retired grannies / to-be-retired parents sent a surge of blood to my cheeks, as if I had asked a guy out (I never do of course).



The worse happens to my encounter with the peer group. Many of my friends were hitched in this couple of years. Of course the playful me would still open my palms to welcome their reluctant cash giving blessings and loving gesture. However, the sophisticated me can’t help thinking: Um…you have mortgage to pay and children to raise, while I have my drinks/dinners/movie tickets paid by someone. No thanks. Please skip me the guilt.

To compensate my sense of unfairness in the Chinese New Year, I successfully come up with the following privileges the paired-ups legitimately enjoy.

* They enjoy cheaper prices in buying travel packages. Ever wonder why travel agencies’ special offers are always limited to two adults sharing a bedroom? Why the rate of a single bedroom is far more than half of that of a double bedroom remains an unsolved mathematical mystery. A single person occupies half the space after all (some research even shows married people are getting bigger!)

* The marrieds are granted tax allowance (i.e. married person’s allowance) even though they enjoy economies of scale in terms of daily expenses. The Inland Revenue Department doesn’t bother to pay sympathy to the singles who need to buy a whole flat or a rice cooker on their own.

* They don’t need to worry about breaking the Ten Commandments anymore. Simply google “marital sex” and you’ll have an idea of the truth and light that has been shed upon it.

Just kidding, my lovey-dovey friends. It’s just my little revenge for being asked over and over again when I’ll be joining your league. No hurry for me, as I still treasure my red-packets-bagging days. Blink*