2010年8月5日 星期四

Would you respect my impatience?



Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong

Ever wonder why Hongkies are always in such a hurry? One of the reasons I discovered is that we have to queue for everything in our lives, e.g. food, buses, school places and even my H&M headpiece. So many people are competing for so few resources. So much time is spent on waiting. We can’t help rushing to compensate for the time lost.

As a typical impatient Hongkie, my life is filled with irritating moments every day. For example, when I finally get to the cashier after waiting for ages, the shop attendants always find ways to push me to the edge.

“Do you have a Buy-our-overpriced-items-then-get-one-cent-refund Card?”

“Do you want to redeem your Octopus Reward$ because we feel bad about selling your data?”

“Would you like a bar of this tasteless chocolate? It contains 1200g of sugar but only costs $12!”

“Why don’t you buy this mango shampoo too? It goes well with vanilla foot cream.”


When I keep rolling my eyes and uttering ‘no’, ‘nope’ and ‘no ah’, they show no signs of disappointment or any awareness of my grumpiness. It’s all programmed in their body. By the time they release the garlic bulb I’m buying, my pasta is already overcooked and I no longer want to eat. Just wonder if they are this fluent and persistent with expats.

Do skinny Hongkies need nutrition labels?

Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong

Recently, there’s one retarded government ad that amuses me a lot. It’s about the introduction of nutrition information labels on pre-packaged foods on 1 July 2010.

In this television ad, seven children and a young girl are dressed in white tight polyester jumpsuits. Each child represents a type of nutrients to be included in food labels and the young lady represents “energy”. The lot keeps jumping and cheering around the corners of a supermarket and triggers my body’s defensive mechanism as they resemble sperm cells.

According to the advertisement, the introduction of nutrition labels is to enable us to compare nutrient contents in food and make healthier food choices, so that we won’t get obese, heart attacks and cancer.

2010年7月13日 星期二

Yes, I’m a whore. So…?



Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong

Last week a famous Hong Kong actor openly criticised those hot teen models as disgusting. He even went this far to call them whores.

Judging from the actor’s bad-boy image and his history of being outspoken, I don’t find this news particularly surprising. What actually amused me was the models’ feedback. They were upset and denied that they were whores. They claimed what they were doing were just photographs and not immoral at all.

Thing is, what’s the big deal about being called a whore? If I were them, I would take it with self-respect because:

1. Being called a whore means I got paid for hard skilled work.

2. It means I’m pleasing people and people find me pleasing.

3. It means I’m someone who actually lives in the real world, not like those basement dwellers who keep whining about how unfair the world is and how universal suffrage can solve their problems, from housing to finding someone to date.

At least for me, being a whore is more respectable than those “empowered” chicks who hang around in some “trendy” membership clubs, thinking they worth a billion dollars from bankers, but end up giving them sex for free. Whores are at least more realistic than those wannabes, who invest for the future by sleeping with a random guy who claim himself to be a photographer/director/Feng Shui master. Whores make business travellers’ lives eaiser. Authentic Kong-gals simply can’t pick up the hints when these lonely roamers mention the time of their flight and the hotel they are staying.

Pseudo-models for Pseudo-book fair



Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong

Last week the Trade Development Council lifted the ban of teen models, which was proposed earlier, from its book fair in July under the pressure of the models’ publishers. However, book-signing sessions are still not allowed because the council argued that the models’ risque photo books are of bad taste and too vulgar, which contradicts the fair’s image as being family oriented. They don’t want the chicks to hijack such significant cultural event as they did last year.

I can’t help worrying about the fair if it no longer allows some boob-flashing and legs-flaunting from the bikini-clad models. Who would then pay to see the show? Booklovers? Well, as an old-fashioned booklover who insists on 15-minute bedtime reading every night, I don’t feel the urge to cram myself into the venue to see Haruki Murakami or Stephen Fry for real. I am drawn to their writing talents, not their physical looks and autographs. Besides, most people nowadays just read everything from the Internet and their iPhones. Or worse, they don’t read, they watch videos. Taking a long way to Wan Chai and paying a fee to read something new is so 1990s. Only some jaw-dropping cleavages would provide enough incentives for lads to bother.

2010年6月8日 星期二

Watching My Footprint


Published at the Libertine's Pub, Hong Kong

Last week we were so obsessed with mourning, fighting and cheering for our Goddess of Democracy that we forgot there was another big event happening, which is much more central to our survival – The Air-Conditioning Free Day on June 1.

According to the website of the environmental organization Footprint, 234 schools and a number of unnamed environmentalists had participated in the event with the hope of raising the awareness of reducing carbon footprint. You may wonder why such a meaningful and non-controversial event got such low exposure comparing to the Earth Hour or the Car Free Day. One reason is that our Secretary for the Environment might be too busy doing the laundry for another weekend out in his reusable Act Now t-shirt. Another possible reason is that the act of turning off the air conditioner is not as visual as turning off the lights or making an appearance on the MTR to declare oneself car-free, which provides little incentives for large corporations and government officials to act on, as they could no longer show to the press how environmental-friendly and socially responsible they are, even for just one day.

2010年5月27日 星期四

Cultural shock at my hometown



Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong

Frankly, I really enjoy reading our gweilo libertine Wes’ posts on his expat rage in the Hi-Tech Village. Maybe it’s nothing new to our expat readers, but it’s always amusing to see how things I take for granted can cause so much shock and confusion to our beloved expats.

At the same time, I keep being shocked by the non-Hongkie culture at where I work, our CBD Central. I used to feel comfortable to live and work in the New Territories and Kowloon. However, in Central, every day lies a new adventure. First, I have to overcome the language barrier. Whenever I walk in the streets of Central, the only language I hear is either English or Putonghua, or worse, the expats speak better Putonghua and the Mainlanders speak better English than me. Perhaps Na’vi is more frequently spoken than my mother tongue Cantonese here.

Second, not only we locals are expected to make eye contact with strangers, as Wes suggested, we also have to prepare ourselves to talk to them, which is contrary to my mum’s teachings since I was a baby girl. No matter you’re rushing to your office, drowsily waiting for the pick-you-up cappuccino, or simply checking out the gossip magazines at the newsstand, some English-speaking strangers would come over and say hello as if they were your old friend. To look more “Western” and less like a Villager, I’m always up for the small talk until it’s close to 2pm and I got to go.

2010年4月21日 星期三

Our Double Standard of Morality



Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong

As probably the most “right” member in a suspected Commie group, I can understand why decriminalization of drugs sounds an attractive idea. As you know, some of my mates claim themselves to be musicians. Music without drugs is like French films without sex scenes and the banking industry without overpriced chain store coffee. Ray Charles, Rolling Stones and Amy Winehouse may not have produced such genius music with substance had they not relied on some substance in some way. In fact, thanks to cocaine, an ex-fiancee of a rock star, Kate Moss, remains as a fashion icon for decades with her never fully conscious and skinny look.

However, as appealing as the idea can be, the chance of success is destined to be doomed. It may work in Europe, but never in my hometown the High-Tech Village.

Why? Because we Villagers have no problems in showing our double standard of morality, as soon as it involves a member of our family.

We don’t mind Tiger Woods cheating because he’s just being human. But if our husbands and boyfriends cheat? We want to give death penalty.

We fancy chasing jail baits because what they are hinting is just consensual sex. But if they are our daughters? We want to lock either them or the boys up.

2010年4月15日 星期四

On Gender Equality at Workplace



Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong

Let me make myself clear first in case someone suspects I’m a man: I hate that when women are paid less than men for the same kind of work. I hate that when people don’t take young women seriously because they bother to dress and groom nicely for work (to look “professional” somewhat means you have to desexualize yourself by wearing dark trouser suits and trimming your hair short, or at least putting it up). I also hate that when senior male executives make use of their position to pressurize their junior female colleagues into contributing to their sexual rejuvenation, be it faking laughs for their lame jokes (Ha-ha-ha), an “innocent” dinner for two or something more. And thanks to my career confidence, I’m always able to put up an indifferent blank face to such kind of invitations. Life is too short to worry about whether someone has crossed the line.

However, to assess gender equality by way of counting the number of men and women in certain industry, or in certain level of management, often becomes a misplacement of fact and value judgment. Take the construction industry for example, it’s a global phenomenon that male construction workers and engineers are far more than their female counterparts. Does it mean the industry has been barring equally qualified women from the industry because of their sex? What about it’s just a fact? Just a fact that qualified women for construction work happen to be less than men. Same applies to scientists and footballers. Feminists’ approach to place value judgment on the head count and conclude that males have been dominating the industry and scaring off women is like saying the drawing machine of Mark Six favours the particular 6 numbers and discriminates against the other 43.

In addition, what about women are just not that into certain industries, instead of being dominated or suppressed or enslaved by patriarchy as claimed by feminists?

2010年3月17日 星期三

The bads about not being a Catholic



Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong


Recently, a weird phenomenon happens to a couple of my girlfriends. They suddenly converted to Catholicism with no early signs of being religious. They apparently did the you-know-what forbidden but enjoyable deed long ago. And within six months of their conversion, coincidentally, they end up exchanging vows with their fiancé before a big wooden cross hanging in a glass-laden high-ceiling greenhouse called church. The wedding scene is so sacred and beautiful that I always remember to shed some tears.

Admittedly, part of the tears are shed for the fact that I’m not going to get wed in a church, not like what the princesses did in fairy tales or what Dustin Hoffman tried to interrupt in The Graduate.

My jealousy is doubled by the fact that my newly Catholic girlfriends are married to sons from well-to-do Catholic families, one of them a doctor, the other a lawyer, then an heir to a family business. No matter how education and feminism tell us women to be independent and have it all, the talent of equating forever love with financial security (reads riches for high maintenance women) is still deeply rooted in our genes.

2010年3月5日 星期五

Being Asian makes you a 10

Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong





When it comes to desirability in terms of race, I always heard Aisan girls and white guys are most wanted, and both tend to be attracted to each other.

Well, I was brought up in Hong Kong and none of my friends known from childhood, i.e. the most traditional Asian girls, ever got a white boyfriend or just a white guy friend in their life. They dress like ordinary Kong-girls, in baggy outfit, without makeup and probably in spectacles. They seldom need to speak English in their daily life, only read local gossip magazines and watch Cantonese soap opera. They are shy to meet new people, and usually knew their boyfriends from study or work. Once they got a boyfriend, they usually stick to the traditional Chinese romantic formula: develop a long-term sexually-exclusive relationship with him and get married.

The above proposition only comes to mind when I begin my work and after-work life in Central, where East truly meets West and the first language is English.

2010年2月18日 星期四

The Pressure to Tie the Knot



Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong

Kung Hey Fat Choi! May our readers be as wild and catty as the Tiger in the new year.

There’s no time my company is more “westernized” than the Chinese New Year. Most of my married managers pretend they were gweilos and gweipos in this 15-day festive break, “unaware” of the Chinese tradition of delivering red packets to their single slaves colleagues, when they are as face-loving as the local officials in the rest of the year. A slight hint or suggestion of that (for example, a trying-too-hard passionate new year blessing) would mean you’re a corrupt, uncivilized and anachronistic creature in the inhuman globalised business word.

In private scenarios, the guilt or shame of receiving red packets from your married acquaintances began to kick in, especially when you’re hitting the reproductive deadline “right” age to get married. When I was a child, the Chinese New Year was the Event of the Year, because red packets are my only source of freely disposable income. However, when I grew up and became a member of taxpayers breadwinners, the idea of receiving de facto subsidy from my retired grannies / to-be-retired parents sent a surge of blood to my cheeks, as if I had asked a guy out (I never do of course).

2010年2月10日 星期三

Smoke gets in my hair



Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong

Last week from the second-language newspaper I exclusively read (I leave the job of screening Apple Daily to Henry already), I was shocked to know a government advisory body is proposing bans on people lighting up in the street and on the depiction of smoking in films.

I don’t smoke so I don’t enjoy conflict of interests in writing this article. However, as an empathetic human being, I couldn’t imagine what life would be if the government choose to ban my addictions (namely, the Hong Kong-styled milk tea, chocolates, flirting with bad boys) in the manner it bans smoking.

Whenever I need a caffeine boost at work, I would need to leave the work I’m doing, go outside the office building and hide like a naughty dog.

On every cup of milk tea I buy, there would be a huge sticker on the cup featuring a cranky premature aging lady, warning me milk tea is bad for my heart and skin.

I could only taste my La Maison du Chocolat truffles in the street, the heavenly aroma and silky texture mixed with the fume of vehicles.

Before I hang out in the clubs, I would need to research for the few which allow flirting and hook-ups, or embarrassingly ask the bartender if it’s okay to do so.

In a word, my life, alongside the society, would be extremely bitter.

2010年2月4日 星期四

Why Sex Can Boost Your Luck


Published at the Libertines Pub, Hong Kong

I, as a woman, always believe women should be protected from violence, rape and abuse. They must know to protect themselves because their body is so hot that their male counterparts fantasize about access to it every 5 seconds. Life is too short to entertain all the lonely, bored and inadequate dicks in the world. We should save it for someone who’s not only after one thing, or who’s after one thing but too hot / too cute / too rich to resist. Right? (Provided that you are a well-informed adult and take safety precautions of course. Disclaimer in place.)

However, whenever I read news about some claimed-to-be rape / indecent assault cases, I was as perplexed by the story lines as by the Universe. You left your hubby at home, drank at a hotel bar alone, made out with a horse trainer you just met in your car, decided you were not up for further encounter, then accused the trainer of assaulting you? What reasonale you can put up except you can’t bear yourself to be fondled without spiritual love? You agreed to be driven home by a medical school alumnus you just met at a party, stayed the night at his place and the next morning you accused the guy of raping you? Being shocked to find you can be seduced by a non-boyfriend/husband/Brad Pitt material overnight, or you can have sex but not make love, doesn’t mean you did not consent. Simple logic.

Recently, the case of a teen model being tricked to have sex “rituals” nine times by a Taoist Mao Shan master put me to further wonder.

Hello there!

Sometimes, when I chit-chat with my friends, one or two of them will say, "Bambi, you should write them down and publish them. Someone out there may share your thoughts and like them."

"Really?  Someone will care these silly little dirty thoughts?"

"Yes, you will be doing people a favour. Just fucking write it."

And here I am. This is an experiment to see if my friends are right, or if I'm having a too big ego. This is also my trash can, for me to dispose my trash so that I can be clean and good before people who love me and want me that way. I love them back by not letting them know.